It's always hard for me to think about the future. I try to focus on the here and now, but it's the night before Miller's ADOS test, and I'm nervous. Not because of the test itself, but because the results it's going to yield.
When I look at other kids that are older than Miller, I get excited for Miller's development, but then a little piece of me, the little envious piece, feels a pinch of pain. While other parents are planning for school, I'm wondering if Miller will get potty-trained. While other parents are forming futures for their children, I'm wondering if Miller will ever live on his own. Will he have a family? Will he go to college, have friends, a job? While I know all this is uncertain, and I still hold a little glimmer of hope that he will be high-functioning, I am faced with such difficult questions. How do I plan for the future? I don't like to think of Miller being 7, 12, or 18. I just can't do it. I don't even know where we will be next month. But plans still need to be made and put into place. I just wish there was a comforting stepping stone for me to hop to.
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