Someday

I found this very moving. I hope you do too.

"Someday"

From a child's perspective: I am not bad, I am autistic. I know I scream. I do have a good reason. I can not communicate like you do. I will learn how to get the point across in different ways, someday. I know I hit and pinch. I try not too. I feel bad afterward. Sometimes I get what is called 'Sensory Overload' and it makes me feel overwhelmed and afraid. I lash out when this happens because I want the environment around me to calm down. I am learning to handle it and will be able to, someday. I know I wave my arms around. Sometimes it feels like my arms are on fire or have ants crawling on them. It is called the 'Skin Crawls' and waving my arms is soothing. I am learning to get use to it and will learn to rub my arms like my occupational therapist does, someday. I know I rock, shake, fidget, poke, and hum. This is called 'Stimming'. It makes me feel calm when I stim and I do this more often when I have anxiety or I am very worried. I am learning to deal with my anxiety and will be able to, someday. I know I wear the same clothes over and over again. I am not poor or dirty. I like certain types of material and clothes without tags and hard sewn in seams. This is called being 'Sensory Tactile'. I am getting use to different types of clothing slowly and maybe I will try something different, someday. I know I am not looking directly at you. This is very difficult for me because I take pictures of things in my mind. If I am looking at you, I may not be listening because I am busy taking pictures of your face and memorizing it. Know that I can hear you and understand you. I am not lying if I am not making eye contact. People with autism very rarely lie. I have a hard time communicating and I am busy forming ways to talk, I do not have time to think of lies. I may learn to make eye contact, someday. I know I talk different or not at all. I have other ways of communicating like using pictures called Pecs, or an Ipad, or sign language. I do know what is being said to me and I am not stupid. Please do not think because I have difficulty getting my thoughts out in the same way you do, like talking, that I do not understand what is being said to me. I do. Sometimes I need time to think about it and that is called 'Processing'. I know that as I grow, I will get faster at processing and we will learn to communicate with each other, someday. I am not trying to scream, pinch, hit, avoid eye contact, stim, be poor or dirty, to annoy you. I am trying to communicate. I am not bad. I am autistic. I hope we can be friends, someday.

Holiday Seasons

I love the holidays. The time between Halloween and Christmas is my favorite time of year. Some of my most fond childhood memories are from Christmas. Coming down the stairs on Christmas morning, seeing the lights twinkling in the tree, the stockings meticulously stuffed and all the gifts just waiting, having all the family around, and all the traditions built over the years.

I very much looked forward to sharing my holiday cheer with Miller. Awaiting that joy of Christmas morning with him, making cookies, visiting Santa...however, none of those things are happening. Miller has no idea what is going on. It's just another day, another month. He has noticed the Christmas lights, but to him, they are just flashing bulbs. I'm trying not to let all this get me down, but it's hard watching all the other children's excitement. Maybe things will click next year, but you never know.

Happiness Is...

Last year I wrote about all the things that I am thankful for.

This year is no different. So many amazing and wonderful things have happened and Miller has grown into a sweet, gentle, smart little boy.

Just in the last few weeks Miller has learned the sign for "eat/hungry" and "please". And last week he put together his first signed sentence: "More food, please."

This year I thought I would share some of my "Happiness Is..."! My collection of favorite things about Miller.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happiness Is...

Miller's vast collection of artwork from school, most recently a hand print turkey

Miller trying to "sing" along with the Spongebob theme song

The way he runs over for a hug whenever and wherever

High Fives

The "lala, dada, baba, and mamas" he has been working on saying

His first word "baby" He tried so hard to copy me saying it, and it finally came out!

His smile

Watching Miller and Terry play together

Cuddles

Miller's excitement when he sees me

When he just wants to sit and hold your hand while watching a movie

Playing games that he has made up

Jumping at the inflatable gym, one of Miller's favorite places

Swimming at the beach and making seaweed monsters

Splashing in puddles with the tip of his foot

Throwing rocks/pine cones/balls into bushes and chasing after them

His contentment at being himself

Watching him ride the school bus all by himself

Picking out his favorite movies

Watching him actually sit down and look through a book

When he does something bad, but he's so darn cute doing it, that I can't be mad, like when he

took apart an entire roll of paper towels, or pulled off an entire roll of toilet paper

And many, many more....

I LOVE MY KIDDO!

Happiness Is...

Last year I wrote about all the things
I am thankful for.

This year is no different. So many amazing, wonderful things have happened and Miller has grown into a sweet, gentle, smart little boy.

Just in the last few weeks Miller has learned the sign for "eat/hungry" and "please". And last week he put together his first signed sentence: "More food, please."

This year I thought I would share some of my "Happiness Is..."! My collection of favorite things about Miller.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happiness Is...

Miller's vast collection of artwork from school, most recently a hand print turkey

Miller trying to "sing" along with the Spongebob theme song

The way he runs over for a hug whenever and wherever

High Fives

The "lala, dada, baba, and mamas" he has been working on saying

His first word "baby" He tried so hard to copy me saying it, and it finally came out!

His smile

Watching Miller and Terry play together

Cuddles

Miller's excitement when he sees me

When he just wants to sit and hold your hand while watching a movie

Playing games that he has made up

Jumping at the inflatable gym, one of Miller's favorite places

Swimming at the beach and making seaweed monsters

Splashing in puddles with the tip of his foot

Throwing rocks/pine cones/balls into bushes and chasing after them

His contentment at being himself

Watching him ride the school bus all by himself

Picking out his favorite movies

Watching him actually sit down and look through a book

When he does something bad, but he's so darn cute doing it, that I can't be mad, like when he took apart an entire roll of paper towels, or pulled off an entire roll of toilet paper

And many, many more....

I LOVE MY KIDDO!

Words of Wisdom

Well, summer is over and Miller has gone back for his second preschool-school year! He loves school and gets so excited to ride the bus to and from school, and I'm excited for some new Miller art projects!

I got the opportunity to go to our local state fair a few weeks ago and stopped by the Persons With Developmental Diabilities table. I had a chance to talk with another mom, whose son is quite a bit older than Miller, but has autism as a symptom of another genetic disorder. For the first time I felt a genuine connection with another parent. Unfortunately, she works in another county, but we had a great conversation and talked about raising our boys and the difficulty in finding adequate parent support groups. By the end of the conversation I felt a little less alone and she left me thinking about some wonderful words of wisdom. We all go through some type of grieving when we find out about a child's disability. It's something that you never recover from, and that's ok. It's ok to grieve, and the grieving never goes away, but it does get easier with time.

Learning To Swim

It has been an exciting and busy summer for us so far! It seems like Miller just started summer school and now he's on his last week before his second summer vacation! He has been doing so good riding the bus to and from school everyday, and bring home lots of beautiful art. We have also been attending many fairs and festivals! Going to the FolkLife festival last month and then tomorrow at the Bellevue Arts Fair.

Miller has also been taking advantage of our complex pool! He has been doing cannon balls off the side and learning to swim! He was able to swim on his own for almost 30 seconds today, that doesn't seem like much now, but give him a few more weeks...

It also made me think while Terry and I were loading Miller on the bus this morning. It was one of those days where Miller didn't really want to go on the bus and was crying and the driver was telling us how he settles down right after they drive away. She also said that many of the parents pull their kids off the bus when their children cry and the day is done, thus enforcing a positive reward for a negative behavior. It's sad having your 3-year-old cry, but the driver gave us a "thumbs up" as she drove away.

As with learning to swim; sometimes you just have to let go.

The Genome Update

Last October, Terry, Miller and I went to Children's Hospital to have blood drawn for a research project http://millersjourneys.blogspot.com/2010/10/lawn-gnome-no-genome.html and just got our results in! Neither Terry, nor I carry the genome they were looking for and even more surprising is that Miller doesn't carry it either. What that means is that Miller's autism is an isolated case within out genetic makeup. Very interesting, relieving and reassuring to all involved.