And on We Go...

It's been a while since I've posted. I think I've been avoiding posting because the familiarities are over and I have to really think about how I'm feeling. It's easy for me to post about things that have happened in the past. I have had time to process and reflect on those feelings. Now it's all raw and fresh, I guess I have to learn how to deal with these feelings.

It's been a great summer. We have just finished our "Promoting First Relationships" 10 week program through the University of Washington's Autism Center. The program was enlightening for all of us. It really gave a different perspective to us about how we parent, and I think we better understand Miller and his behaviors.

I have been dealing with some heavy feelings lately. Mostly envy of other parents. I really hate seeing parents take for granted all the wonderful little things that their child does. Talking, interacting, using imagination, etc. I don't get to experience any of these things with Miller. And I think that has been really hard on me lately, especially as Miller is about to enter preschool. We are getting to the point when I can really start to see all the other kids pass Miller by, and it hurts. I want to get into Miller's world, and I can't. I just have to be there for when he's ready to let me in.

Another big issue for me has been my need to feel understood. So many people come to me with suggestions, which I don't mind, it's when you think you know what's best for my baby. Or you treat us like we have the plague. Don't worry, you're child is not going to catch Miller's autism. I think it also has a lot to do with the area that we live in. This area is very affluent and we are by no means "living large". We are often times made to feel like we don't belong. This is a tough one because Miller doesn't pick up that feeling. It's a lot of glares, stares and whispering. Also parents try to tell me that they know what I'm going through. They don't. I don't mean to sound mean or rude about it, but they don't know what it's like to have a child with special needs unless they have one.

Well, moving onto something more uplifting, Miller has started to use small signs for his basic needs. We have been working on "more" and "hungry". When his preschool and therapies pick back up, we'll be able to work on these with more consistency. I'm really looking forward to preschool. Miller will be going for 4 hours each week, split up over two days. And this is not a co-op, so we'll be leaving Miller at school! That will be a huge change for all of us! When Miller turns 3 in February, we will go into the local school district.

Fun times to come and I will do my best to keep posting!